Friday, February 27, 2015

First Appointment

Had our first baby appointment yesterday which overall was very anti-climatic. They basically filled out a medical history for me, gave me a bunch of literature, and had me go give blood and urine samples.

I was expecting...more? I thought they'd at least take my blood pressure or something. While I don't look forward to a pap, i was expecting a pap. And part of me was really hoping to get to hear a heartbeat.

 The way labs work (they hand you a cup for urine which after waiting 20 minutes for the only bathroom in a place that does HOW MANY urine samples a day i finally could put in the stupid turnstyle, which is in the waiting room. While i was waiting, a phlebotomist called my name to take blood, so i still had the unfilled cup in my hand, but no one says, ok! you're all done!), i didn't know if i could leave or not, so we sat in the waiting room an extra half hour before i went to the desk and asked if i was all done/could leave. That only because i have a history of sitting around when i don't have to. When it comes to a doctor's office, where you spend a lot of time waiting in general, i like to be told i can leave. I sat in an examination room after an annual checkup once because a nurse told me i could get dressed and left the room, but didn't tell me i could leave. Just give me instructions, damnit!


The literature...wasn't really anything i need or want. With the exception of a list of medications that are/are not safe during pregnancy (which i don't take anyway) and a list of "when to call your doctor", there wasn't really anything new or interesting. i already get a "baby development" update in my email, i know i want screenings, and i have absolutely no intention of "Centering" myself. Centering is some new age self doctoring where you join a group of other pregnant women and you show up at the same time every week and weigh yourself and take your own blood pressure and sit in a circle to commiserate with other uncomfortable people who tell you way too much information so a doctor can educate you all at the same time and pull each of you aside 5 minutes at a time for a one-on-one. Aside from the fact that their 5:30 time slot simply does not work for me, i don't like other people. I don't want to be around other people. I also do not like doctors, but if i have to go to the doctor, i damn well want to know that while i am there, they are focused on me. I do not want to be herded like one more cow in the milk line. Or the innoculation line. They gave me a list of vaccines i'll be given, and viruses i'll be tested for. I have to be tested for rubella immunity, even though i had 2 mmr vaccines as a kid. I have to be tested for hep c (because i got a tattoo 4 years ago) even though i've been vaccinated for hep a and hep b and you can't get the other hepatitises without first having had hep a or hep b. I was strongly encouraged to get tested for hiv which i declined, and also encouraged to be tested for cystic fibrosis, which i will not be doing.

I have another appointment in a week, my 10 week, with different people, and i was told not to really expect any ultrasounds until 18weeks, which is kind of bullshit to me. I know, I KNOW, i'm getting a screening (which i have to ask for by the way, it was barely talked about, which means i'll have to be proactive about it) and a screening includes an ultrasound. I KNOW! Our 18 weeks falls when we're on vacation, so we'll see if i can get bumped up a week, but i'm already frustrated. If i don't get to hear a heartbeat (which i know is a doppler not an ultrasound) I'm going to start going a little preg-zilla on people. We live in a world where they teach you to have a healthy paranoia and fear about all the things that can go wrong, and i don't think asking to be reassured is too much to ask. I also kind of feel like, it's my first baby, it doesn't really feel real, and seeing the little squishy on an ultrasound would make it more real. All my friends get ultrasounds, why don't i? Is it so bad that i want it to feel special? i want the magical little moments of heartbeats and pictures! The damn development book says i'm supposed to get a heartbeat! I would find another doctor, but i just don't want to keep looking. blah!

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