The Bump

Not many physical changes here yet. My boobs are definitely bigger. My belly button changed this week, it went from deep and narrow to shallow and round. Mostly i'm getting thicker rather than bumpier. Weight wise, i've gained maybe 2lbs. My sciatica is bothering me, but that was a problem i had before my uterus doubled in size so not really surprising.
 Here's weeks 4 (when i tested) through 9 (today)

This blog is currently a private journal, but to answer any questions if it does go public, NO i am not ashamed to have pictures of myself in my underwear on the internet. There are also pictures of me in a swimsuit on the internet. Not only am i not ashamed, I look damn good, and I make no apologies.

I don't currently exercise, though i am adding in a treadmill this week with the hope that running will help my lower back pain. I am a waitress, and the only request I've made at work (from the only person i told at work) is that i not be scheduled double shifts while pregnant. I had a 15 hour day the week the nausea and fatigue hit and it really really sucked. At week 9, i'm starting to feel a little better, less nausea and fatigue though still there. So i am still on my feet 8 hours a day, lifting and carrying 20-50lbs repeatedly all day. I'm not exactly sedentary.

First Appointment

Had our first baby appointment yesterday which overall was very anti-climatic. They basically filled out a medical history for me, gave me a bunch of literature, and had me go give blood and urine samples.

I was expecting...more? I thought they'd at least take my blood pressure or something. While I don't look forward to a pap, i was expecting a pap. And part of me was really hoping to get to hear a heartbeat.

 The way labs work (they hand you a cup for urine which after waiting 20 minutes for the only bathroom in a place that does HOW MANY urine samples a day i finally could put in the stupid turnstyle, which is in the waiting room. While i was waiting, a phlebotomist called my name to take blood, so i still had the unfilled cup in my hand, but no one says, ok! you're all done!), i didn't know if i could leave or not, so we sat in the waiting room an extra half hour before i went to the desk and asked if i was all done/could leave. That only because i have a history of sitting around when i don't have to. When it comes to a doctor's office, where you spend a lot of time waiting in general, i like to be told i can leave. I sat in an examination room after an annual checkup once because a nurse told me i could get dressed and left the room, but didn't tell me i could leave. Just give me instructions, damnit!


The literature...wasn't really anything i need or want. With the exception of a list of medications that are/are not safe during pregnancy (which i don't take anyway) and a list of "when to call your doctor", there wasn't really anything new or interesting. i already get a "baby development" update in my email, i know i want screenings, and i have absolutely no intention of "Centering" myself. Centering is some new age self doctoring where you join a group of other pregnant women and you show up at the same time every week and weigh yourself and take your own blood pressure and sit in a circle to commiserate with other uncomfortable people who tell you way too much information so a doctor can educate you all at the same time and pull each of you aside 5 minutes at a time for a one-on-one. Aside from the fact that their 5:30 time slot simply does not work for me, i don't like other people. I don't want to be around other people. I also do not like doctors, but if i have to go to the doctor, i damn well want to know that while i am there, they are focused on me. I do not want to be herded like one more cow in the milk line. Or the innoculation line. They gave me a list of vaccines i'll be given, and viruses i'll be tested for. I have to be tested for rubella immunity, even though i had 2 mmr vaccines as a kid. I have to be tested for hep c (because i got a tattoo 4 years ago) even though i've been vaccinated for hep a and hep b and you can't get the other hepatitises without first having had hep a or hep b. I was strongly encouraged to get tested for hiv which i declined, and also encouraged to be tested for cystic fibrosis, which i will not be doing.

I have another appointment in a week, my 10 week, with different people, and i was told not to really expect any ultrasounds until 18weeks, which is kind of bullshit to me. I know, I KNOW, i'm getting a screening (which i have to ask for by the way, it was barely talked about, which means i'll have to be proactive about it) and a screening includes an ultrasound. I KNOW! Our 18 weeks falls when we're on vacation, so we'll see if i can get bumped up a week, but i'm already frustrated. If i don't get to hear a heartbeat (which i know is a doppler not an ultrasound) I'm going to start going a little preg-zilla on people. We live in a world where they teach you to have a healthy paranoia and fear about all the things that can go wrong, and i don't think asking to be reassured is too much to ask. I also kind of feel like, it's my first baby, it doesn't really feel real, and seeing the little squishy on an ultrasound would make it more real. All my friends get ultrasounds, why don't i? Is it so bad that i want it to feel special? i want the magical little moments of heartbeats and pictures! The damn development book says i'm supposed to get a heartbeat! I would find another doctor, but i just don't want to keep looking. blah!

Old Wives Tales

Chinese Gender Chart: If age at conception and month of conception are both even or odd= girl, opposite =boy
This one says boy, but I plugged in my mom's numbers for me and my sisters (counting back 9 months from when we were born with the assumption we were all basically on time) and the chart says 3 of us should have been boys.
Pendant/Ring: This one says girl (circles v lines)
Boobs: This one says girl (Left is bigger v right)
Acne: Girl (girls give acne, boys give dry hands and cold feet. )
Baking Soda: Girl (no fizz v fizz)
Sweet or Salty: Girl (I never want sweets but have been all about them, and salty fried foods are out)
Morning Sickness: Girl (v not being sick)
Key: Girl (I don't really count this one because I always pick up keys by the skinny end, they're easier to grab that way)
Heartbeat: Girl- 155 (over 140= girl, under 140= boy) *At 12.5 weeks

Weird...

Had something weird happen and am totally blaming the little rebel. My hair grows ~3/4" each month- yes it grows fast. I had a pain in my foot I couldn't quite look at so I had Bob look- and he pulled a half-inch long hair out of the bottom of my foot (the callused part on the outer edge)!!! 1/2" means I grew it since becoming pregnant and I am blaming baby for the super weirdness on my otherwise hairless feet!

Cravings

When I used to think about having a baby, long before we actually tried to have one, i always wondered if i'd get morning sickness or cravings. My mom and sisters did not. Obviously, I have learned the definition of pregnancy sickness and i'm not a fan, but we had some guesses as to what we thought i'd crave. This baby is all about fruit, veggies, and seafood. There are worse things and it's so not a big deal, except that this baby is also absolutely NOT about anything fried, which would be fine if i had known that BEFORE i ordered cheesesteak eggrolls for lunch yesterday...

I haven't actually thrown up, but my stomach has some very strong opinions about what i'm allowed to eat. I have also established that I'm on roughly a 5-hour cycle of consciousness, and i crash at the end of that time. Naps are not short- they're full cycles of 3-4 hours before i get my next 5 hours of wakefulness.

My first appt is at 9 weeks and even though i don't think it will be terribly exciting, i'm making bob come because i know they are going to take blood and stuff and would rather not drive myself after. Our second appt is 1 week later for the 10 week heartbeat!!! and about 2-4 weeks after that this whole nausea fatigue thing should go away!!! yay!!!

Ugh

Ok. Nausea officially a thing. It was super weak for the past week or so, mostly i'd wake up thirsty, down some water and go back to sleep, wake up, eat something- ANY thing- and feel better pretty much immediately. Putting anything in my stomach, even water, does make me feel better while it's going down, but I'm nauseous pretty much all the time now. Today is bad. Reading says it usually starts around 6 weeks (tada I'M 6 weeks) and I can expect it to get worse. As of yet, I'm not throwing up which is good because I REALLY hate vomiting. I was really hoping I'd get to skip this little fun part of pregnancy but apparently, no such luck. On the plus side, science says women who experience nausea are 50% more likely to have a girl, and I'm STILL hoping for a (healthy with way) baby girl :)

Today I am just tired....

Today I am just stinkin' tired. I'm also rather certain i'm getting a cold because my throat is super sore. I'm only 6 weeks so i'm not ready to blame the pregnancy for this one, but man am I tired. Currently 4 dogs in the house and they woke me up so they are definitely partially to blame.

I like to "Did you know?" Bob on the baby development chart. This week was:

Your baby is the size of a sweet pea! Did you know it has eyes and little flipper hands and feet?!?!?

Mommy symptoms say I can expect to be exhausted and nauseas. I get a little bit of the butterflies kind of nausea throughout the day but nothing extreme enough to be whiney about. I am tired. Tired enough that someone said something to me about it (I have very dark circles under my eyes today). In theory being exhausted is mostly due to hormones so it should balance out to just kind of tired somewhere in the second trimester. I am also thirsty all the time, which is kind of new. I drink too much water ALL the time normally/pre-baby which means i'm used to peeing all the time, but I am not used to being thirsty all the time. It's like I've been wandering through a desert and just can't get enough. My hair gets greasy faster, which is annoying. I know everything goes in weeks, but i'm trying to think of it in months because that doesn't sound so long. 1 month to heartbeat, 1.5 months to second trimester.

 The newer office I attempted to schedule with was pretty awful about letting me pick a time of day, location, and doctor, so I nixed them right away. My old GYN retired and the office he worked at is now only open 3 days a week, 2 of which they close before noon. They weren't exactly nearby so I'm trying to make myself consider convenience sake. As much as I don't want to go to Hershey Med, it is right beside our house. Hershey med does have a whole separate building away from the hospital for OBGYN and that makes me feel a little better about it. Isn't being pregnant (while thrilling) stressful enough without adding in all the new doctor crap?!?!? just saying...

Knowing just enough

So it's early yet, but already I'm trying to walk the line of knowing just enough. For instance:

• I want to know what's normal during delivery, but I don't really want to read about all the horrible things that can go wrong.
•  I get the "your baby is the size of an appleseed" development updates, but I don't really want to know all the possible diseases they might have unless a doctor flags one.
• I do my kegels, and I've read "what to put in your hospital bag", but I don't need to think about the 4-6 weeks of afterbirth crap incontinence that go with having a baby.

Part of our birthplan, provided that Baby and I stay healthy throughout the pregnancy (which is obviously what we hope for), is to stay at home for as long as possible after contractions begin. I haven't completely ruled out the possibility of birthing at home, but am not considering it very strongly. I don't want to go to the hospital 2cm dilated and wander the halls for 6 hours. I would rather take a hot shower, thank you very much. But reading these "birth plan" checklists about episiotomies and pubic scaping is kind of driving me nuts. I know I don't want cheerleaders, I know I only want Bob. I know that right now I really want to try to do this unmedicated (and fully acknowledge that I may not feel that way later on).

I tend to be the paranoid sort, which means that while we eat organic a lot to begin with, since pesticides can cause birth defects, i'm all extra organic now- organic blueberries are like $16/pint right now by the way. Bob washes all my fruit regardless, but I want a lot of fruit and it's not the right season yet! I've been pretty good food wise- eating my lean proteins and leafy greens, fruits and veggies. No more alcohol for me, no more eggs over easy (booooooo), no more unpasteurized cheese!!! Trying to stay away from the fried stuff at work. I've never been a huge added sugar person and switching my tea to decaf really wasn't a big deal.

Baby Room

Kind of like our wedding, our nursery is something I've had planned for awhile. I picked out this bedset years ago, so the room is going to be tan with dark furniture and red accents. Let's be honest here, Baby doesn't care what color their room is, that space is about making us comfortable around baby. I'm not going to buy anything or paint anything until second trimester (because i'm paranoid like that), but I still love this set

 

We have also decided that we are not going to be diaper bag people. We are going to be diaper backpack people. I have bad shoulders and those bags are heavy and the last thing i want is a diaper bag falling off my shoulder while i juggle baby. They actually make backpacks specifically as diaper bags, but i haven't really picked one yet. Ju-Ju-Be seems to be the leading brand in baby backpacks, though Bob would like a snazzy leather one. I can't find a leather one that i like and they cost a fortune so it probably won't happen (though i agree with him that if they made what i'm looking for in leather, I'd have my heart set on it)

Wishing

At the end of the day, we both really just care that our baby is healthy and that I am healthy, but while we're still in the stage of wishing...

I really want a girl :) I've had my heart set on Baby Sage Corder for a very long time. If we find out it's a boy, I know I'll switch right over (to possibly Baby Revin or Gavin or maybe still Sage...) to baby boy mode, but until then, I REALLY want a girl. I've always wanted a little girl. Bob kind of wants a boy, but supposedly most men don't actually care one way or the other and Bob kind of acknowledged that that's true- he doesn't really care one way or the other. I admit that I DO. It's not hypothetical- I am pregnant- and yes i'm still really hoping for a girl.

Bob really wants a ginger. I secretly really want a ginger too :) On my wedding day, my dad said to me "you know you're gonna have little redheaded kids right?" I think he wants a little ginger too :)

 I did a couple of the old wives tales: Wedding ring says girl (circles), Chinese Calender says Boy (conceived in January at age 28). I've heard the heartbeat is the most accurate early predictor so I'll be excited to hear the heartbeat at 10 weeks. Now, I obviously know and understand that all babies are little girls until the second trimester when their hormones start emerging (which is why men have nipples with no use for them) and body parts start forming, but who doesn't have fun with a little hocus pocus? I'm trying to just not look at Baby stuff because I don't really want to go gender neutral on all my baby purchasing fun.


Telling. We are simply not telling. Everyone knows we want a little Halloween baby (Due date is October 1st, 2015) so they have their guesses, but our official response is "Not Telling". When I say we're not telling, I mean we're not telling anybody. Not telling our parents, not telling our friends, not sharing this blog. I don't want everyone's opinions and I KNOW everyone will have opinions. I know from experience how irresistible it is to share those opinions and ask questions and I just don't want to deal with it all til the gender is revealed. NO "I think it's a -insert gender here-", NO "are you sure it's just 1?", NO "What are you craving", blah blah blah. I'm known as a blunt oversharer, but truth be told, when it comes to personal parts of my life, I don't really like to share. I like to have spaces in my life that are simply "mine".

My mom has been teasing for years that we'll have triplet boys because I've had my heart set on 1 little girl. At almost 30, with twin aunts, twin nieces, and even a distant set of twin cousins, our chance of multiples is high. When we tell people, I want to already know how many and what gender, and  that they are absolutely healthy, whether it/they are what I had initially hoped for or not.

Rebel Base

Bob has been pretty adorable about this whole Baby thing. He calls the baby "Little Rebel" and refers to me as "The Rebel Base". I have asked him not to call me Hoth. His Star wars geek is showing.

He washes my fruits and veggies (because he knows i'm lazy) and will get "The Baby" pretty much anything I want to eat even though I'm really not having pregnancy symptoms of any kind. What I want to eat is fruit, veggies, and seafood (which most cooked seafood- especially the salmon and shrimp i love to eat- is totally ok and even recommended) My nipples are sensitive and some days I sleep a lot. I think I'll survive.

 We had a party and while I tried 3 x .5 oz tasters of beer with miracle fruit, I mainly drank things that looked like alcohol, but weren't. (ginger ale and lime in a copper cup, tonic with lime on the rocks).

We've reviewed the food I can't have so all of that stuff is off my menu now. No alcohol (duh), unpasteurized cheeses or deli meat (LAME!!!), or raw animal anything (oh boohoo. I didn't eat raw anything to begin with). The hair, skin, and nails vitamins I was already taking are pretty essentially prenatal vitamins so there's that. One more box checked.

My GYN retired on me! Ugh! This is stressing me out. I am not quite 6 weeks yet, so I have time, but trying to find an OBGYN has not been fun. I've decided to stick with my old practice, but they have weird office hours so I have to call for their office hours and see if they coincide with my work schedule. I feel pretty strongly that I don't want to go to Hershey med so i'm not.

The Test

We started trying to have a baby in January.

Around January 8th, I noticed something odd- my pee smelled funny, like butter. Not a bad smell. Not asparagus. But definitely different.

We agreed we weren't going to check until February, but I knew. We still went to dinner, still went to parties, still had a cocktail here or there, but I knew.

By the 18th, I knew my period should be rearing its ugly head and also knew with certainty that it wasn't coming. So I went to the store and I bought the test, and a few days later I woke up and took that test.

I woke Bob up and said "Guess what?"

"What?" He mumbled sleepily

"We're gonna have a little Halloween Baby"

"Oh yea. Says who?"

"Says me"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I know"

"Oh yea? How.."

"Because I KNOW!"


I'm sure at some point, I'll start writing this blog to baby, instead of just musing into the ether.Right now this baby is a twinkle in my eyes, a hidden smile, a secret, but not all together real just yet :)